how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
