What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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