While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
