nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
