Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
