She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
