Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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