He had one of those small greek statue penises
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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