Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
