Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
