one might say we're banned from that church
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
