I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
