So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
