Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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