she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
