You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
