I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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