apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Even my vagina gasped.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
