After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
