So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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