omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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