I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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