I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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