I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We're too hungover to prance.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
