This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The uberlube is also flammable
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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