He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
