this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I could fuck to npr.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
