i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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