I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
