its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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