Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
