i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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