pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
