Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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