ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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