omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
