Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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