There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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