Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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