i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
