Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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