oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
