His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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