So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
