I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Houston, we have a blender
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
