and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
