The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
