I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
