the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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