He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
