i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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