Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
