these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
