My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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