Umm I'm too high to move.
Pappa wants mamma naked
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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