I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
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great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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