I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
