even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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