Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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