yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
