went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
