oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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