i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
