omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
