So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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