my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
