Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
