I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
