whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
