Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
True college students do jello shots in the library
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