You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
