Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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