proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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