Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
